Scruffy Supporter T-Shirts

"How would you like to wake up with that every morning?"

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

'So, that's how squirrels find their buried food?'

Honestly, I don't know why I even bring Harold to parties.

Gareth Bale

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

My Life in Beards.

The Cactus Reader

"It's all hypothetical, of course, but how much wood do you think you could chuck?"

'I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you.'

"To prove I'm human, I check the box. It still won't let me in."

EU money addiction

'Of course I don't think you are silly, Mrs. Fifner. A dog doesn't have to be a purebred in order for you to love it."

"If art was meant to be understood by the common man then the common man would have taken a degree in art appreciation."

Jeb Can Ficks It

Cactus Huggers

'Flea and tick circus'

"Look, why don’t you just come down and talk to him? He wants to make up."

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

"It's a trap, Gary! Run!"

'You're arrogant, pig-headed and have no communication skills -have you thought of a career in intelligence?'

'I get no respect... anywhere.'

Center for anti-discrimination.

"Come on. If you sell beer, you must sell peanuts."

Jimmy likes to stand on his head.

"I think Jennifer Lopez gets a bad rap. She's a smart, ambitious woman who works hard, respects her roots, and follows her heart! She deserves all her fame and glory!"

"Are we going to let this cartoonist continue to foul our environment by being so careless with his ink?"

"Another double-header."

Surfing the Coif

"It's not your fault ... squirrels have heart attacks all the time. Pretty sure."

How is your terror today

You're doing too much, Mort. I don't know what you mean. Optimum scruffiness is a delicate balance. One cannot have both wild hair and a wild mustache. It must be one or the other. What about Einstein? He was behaired all over the place. The only exceptions are for hobos, bikers and the big-brained. I rode my Huffy here, does that count?

"You're behind on your mortgage, you're unemployed and you owe back taxes." "That's not what they mean when they say, 'Apply pressure.'"