Scriptwriting Strugglers T-Shirts

"You never finish your screenplay, but you do achieve fuller, thicker hair."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

A pretention of playwrights

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'Huh? Little Airmyn?'

Mensa Does Improv

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Actor practising his indian war crys

Hollywood producer.

'Hang on a minute...'

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

Puss in Heels

TV Situations vacant.

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"Great money scenes!"

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'