Script Memorizer Gifts

"Page 33, line 4..."

Mu-ther!! Pu-lease! I already have cleaned my room. I vant to be left alone! So when are the drama club auditions? Everyday.

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Where was I?

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"I take it you got the lead in the school play."

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Hollywood producer.

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

Eugene Ionesco

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

Pi fight!

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

Dear Diary

'Do you have anything for absent-mindedness?'

Amnesia Clinic: "Take one of these pills whenever you remember to."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

How to Improve Your Memory Seminar.

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

'The great thing about string theory is that it ties up quite a few loose ends.'

"I play the husband, but am promised a speaking part next time."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Subtitles for the Stupid

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"