Scratching Post Defender Gifts

"My cat doesn't like being given pills either...."

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'Oh,oh, Regina has her lawyer with her.'

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

'Oh, I'm sorry Frank, it's just when you come home in that outfit, sometimes I lose control... so anyways, when's dinner?'

Art Theft

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"Don't push her off! Can't you see she's exhausted?"

'He got a splinter from his scratching post.'

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

GOOOOAAAAAL!

'I can't believe you threw my scratching invention away! I was going to sell it to Satchel for a lot of money.'

"Thanks. I feel much better now."

"Oh, yeah! A little to the right. . . down a bit. . . Ahhh!"

Pest Control

"Now remember if we do meet a shark, a sharp rap on his nose....

"Has it ever occurred to anyone that if we stopped wearing these damned skirts we wouldn't have to march off to defend our manhood every five minutes?"

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

"The mosquitoes are coming!"

"I think you've done a fine job of protecting the underlying canvas from the elements with paint."

'Maybe you should ease up on the burglar.'

"By the way, how's that lawsuit against the home insurance company going?"

"I don't let them bite. They just do."

"Think about it Dad: if we were to build a moat around our house, it would keep cats at bay..."

posting a flood insurance claim

I warned you putting poison down for the ants only makes them stronger.

'I don't know lady, maybe I should be warning the prowler about you!'

"He dived, Ref."