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Subatomic Particle Super-Collider Humor. You'll never guess who I ran into yesterday! (Published originally on May 18, 2009.)

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

The Food Chain

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

"...I think we've found the missing link!"

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

The life of penguins.

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

'Galileo, I said a right at the corner and then a left.'

It's an experiment.

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'I don't KNOW what I'm doing -- this is pure research!'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'What makes you think we have a radiation leak?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

Another Screw-up at the Genetics lab. FLASH! What idiot thought of putting a firefly gene in an elephant?!

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

'That's interesting -- I seem to have discovered the gene that makes people want to become geneticists.'

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

'Yes Ma'am, we're from the Governement: We need samples for scientific testing...'

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

'Fred, rumor has it you're closing in on some profound, elemental truth about the universe, and I wanted to remind you that our research funding specifically prohibits that!'

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'Walking your pet amoeba again, Henry?'

'Look - it's SUPERBUG!'

The One That Newton Missed