Science Fiction Comedians Pillows

'We'd better patent this, so the homo sapiens can't steal it from us, like they did with the fire.'

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Don't be sad, Bud. These decisions are so political."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'Mayday! Mayday! I'm in the drink!'

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

'Catch this!'

Angel doing the hula hoop.

"Ooops...wrong doctor !"

"Ready. Aim. Pew! Pew!"

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

"When was your last meta-physical?"

If aliens' first contact is with a dad...

'Can you believe it? - This hayseed doesn't even know which GALAXY we're in!'

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

Close encounters of the turd kind...

"Captain, it appears to be some kind of paragraph."