Sci-fi Commentator Pillows

"Wow, souls seem a lot heavier lately"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

'Some of those youngsters have come up with a terrific new idea - feathers.'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Cthulhus, sir. Thousands of 'em."

'Mayday! Mayday! I'm in the drink!'

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

Andrew, the wedding usher from the future.

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

'Cartoonist thinking'

The Venus Flytrap Leather Sectional

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

Alien Beauty Magazine

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"'Let's try the shrink ray!' you said, 'what could possibly go wrong?', you said."

Time Management