Schoolyard Escapist Gifts

Inattentive Boy

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

"Recess does things to a man."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'I fought the lawn and the lawn won.'

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

To lessen the strain on their backs, many students are opting for the new Velcro shirts.

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

"I turned five. That's why I'm here. What are you in for?"

'God knows what he gets up to in there all day.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'For show and tell today I've brought in the report cards of our teacher, which I downloaded!'

'To attract the most talented spies we're changing our package . . . to jammie dodgers and a gobstopper.'

Littletown High School. And that's where Bubba Parker stomped me

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

Social distancing

'I must be growing up. I've caught myself washing my hands without being told to.'

You're awesome, Larry! When that teacher said 'there are no dumb questions'...you sure proved HER wrong!"

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

Back to school anchor

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

'I won't be at school anymore, my head is full.'

'My brother is going to stay with a family in France, and a French boy is coming to stay with us. Did you know your parents could exchange you?'

'My guess is, you might be running the jets too high...'

'Just how much time do you intend spending in this new tool shed of yours?'

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

Last day of school.

"I'll be home late today Mum, we've got Biology"

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."