School Tales Lover Pillows

"Is eight too young to retire from school?"

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

Wanda takes a more proactive approach.

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

'I'm not late. Everyone learns at their own speed.'

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

Student goes through home room sees his home.

'Don't follow my example and become a beast of burden: Study hard at school!'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

"So, is it like a foursome then, miss?"

"Why do I have to learn to tell time? Can't I just listen for the bell?"

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

"You like woodwork class then, son?"

"Promoted to Grade 1. That's it? No swag?"

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

"Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school."

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

"It's been redacted for security reasons."

"Well, mom, what happens in kindergarten stays in kindergarten!"

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

"Your son has an unctuous, grasping, power-hungry quality we find unattractive in a five-year-old."