School Report Card Connoisseur Pillows

"The grades aren't my fault, Mom - The school has a failure of leadership."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'So what is the consulting that you got an 'A' for?'

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

'I'm the smartest one in the bottom group.'

'I don't want to make you feel bad, but I got four stars.'

'I got an 'A' in abstinence.'

'That's a relief! I thought he was as thick as three planks.'

"He came to conquer the planet, but first he wants to get his feet wet by serving on a school board."

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

"There is no complaint department, Robert."

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

"Actually, Dad, the 'D' in math is from when you helped me with my homework."

Rodney Krebs: Class Valedictorian or G.P.A. whore?

Strange that every teacher crossed out the original comment and wrote XLANT!

"I got a gold star for having the highest credit score in my class."

'I plead guilty.'

'I finally got a good one!'

'But I thought you would be pleased-an 'A' plus in sex education,Dad!'

'Sure the grades are bad, but on the bright side I'm achieving consistency in my academic brand.'

"Doesn't follow directions... Uncooperative... Doesn't get along with others... Have you considered home schooling?"

'I prefer to spend my time in less didactic pursuits.'