School Meals Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"Quick swig first?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"Didn't I say you'd be the only man not wearing a bow tie?"

"At least the anti-public education folks haven't started to try to dictate what we can have for lunch."

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

Non-wall St merger: Mom's Home Cooking...Pop's Cafe!

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

'I'm NOT trying to break in and change my grades. I'm only trying to change the school lunch menu.'

WAITING ROOM

The Waiter

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"Ça suffit, good buddy!"

"Would you like to see the wine list?"

"This wine is CORKED!"

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"Got anything not so close to the kitchen?"

Einstein tests his pasta-antipasto theory.

'Don't overdo the mustard, sir -- we're trying to control costs around here.'

You know I'm never going to say when, right?

"Compliments to the chef. It really is superbly cooked!"

'I'm required to tell you that the wine you chose will be brought to you table in a jug.'

"She said this is not the same old alphabet soup, this one has a new font."

"What kind of take-out are you in the mood for: overpriced or overrated?"

'I'll trade you, sight unseen.'