School Mavens Pillows

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

"I have to start thinking out of the box."

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

Tuba Player Stores a Barrel of Beer

"After buying his 698th mobile device, his wife had him committed."

"My great-uncle Lupe owned a barber shop! He made a lot of money!"

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

"Fred and Ginger, but of course not the Fred and Ginger."

"Well the good news is that 67 people want to attend the leadership course, the bad news is that 58 of them want to run it!"

"You people make me sick. Nonetheless, here's a little toe-tapper."

"My one-man band is breaking up."

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

"Nowadays, Mr. Lambert, we practice preventive medicine. In laymen's terms, this means I don't do a damn thing until I talk to my lawyer."

Space Turkey Aliens visit a family on Thanksgiving.

Houdini tries to get out of dinner with his in-laws.

'Well, the whole purpose of creating the species was because I needed a pill for impotence. Now that they've invented this, we can make them extinct!'

'She's so posh, she can make her wind sound like Verdi's 'Requiem'.'

"I'm glad I found the time to join this meeting, otherwise we wouldn't see each other in years!"

'I've been a model, a film star, a soap star, a dress designer... next I'm going to write a children's book and after that...'

'We have a tournament to see which drug reps get to see the doctors.'

'My Brew's really hoppy. . . I use the whole frog!'

'The pressure is too great. We want to be transferred out of panacea research.'

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

"Oh my God, I HAVE to touch your hair!"