School Debaters Pillows

'If the school can send in substitute teachers, how come we can't send in substitute students?'

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

Changing Minds

"Your rule about no yelling out in class...that's a violation of my 1st Amendment rights!"

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Verbal Orders

95 Theses That Will Blow Your Mind!

I will not chew gum in class, even sugarless....

'I looked, and the Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about running with scissors!'

'We never should have brought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious and arbitrary.'

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

Wisconsin's War on Unions!

Mud Slinging

Mind Narrows road sign.

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'I'm Timmy Jones of the 'Young Republicans'. I'm collecting to run for president in 2028, and my goal is to be another Ronald Regan!'

"If everyone is gonna get a universal basic income, what is the point of getting good grades?"

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

A headmaster in the stocks covered in rotten eggs.

"Before I say anything, I'd like to have my friend, who wants to be a lawyer when he grows up, present"

'No Billy! I am not ready to see you yet!'

'If kids have to be raised properly, does that hurt?'

If it weren't for successful H.S. dropouts, who'd hire the college graduate.

Education Act of 1870 - Quarrelling

'Billy, I'm not going to argue the semantics of biting. Whether or not you penetrated skin, I'm calling your mother.'

Cut the small talk-I'm almost seven.

"In my day, if you colluded with anyone, Dad went for his belt."

'Yes, but the ideological notion that striking a child isn't justified under any circumstances contradicts thousands of years of parenting experience.'