Scheduling Humor Fan Pillows

Beating by Appointment.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Little help?"

The Brothers Grime

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

The bird feeder.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"Fish finder."