Scent Scientist Pillows

"May I say that's a lovely combination of cyclomethicone, triisostearin, and propylene carbonate you're wearing today, Dr. Thomas!"

'Oh, I guarantee your date will smell this one.'

"But everyone else gets to market their own personal scent!"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Canine Scentipede

'Have you no common scents?!'

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

"Finally a perfume store my husband will enjoy visiting."

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

Aromatherapy for Men

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

"Do you smell something?"

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

In case of overcrowding in the ER break glass.

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

Pheromones.

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"What's that smell, girl? Is it spring?"

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

A consumer guide to cheese.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'(Sniff!)... Hey! Somebody stole my identity!'

'Got anything with a little less musk?'