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"Looks a bit wet, have you tried adding more fibre?"

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

End the Winter Blues

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

"You calm down."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Greed.

Telekinetics on strike...

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'So, then.... you don't LIKE life in the fast lane?'

Men working (part time).

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?

"So, how's your scary movie?"

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"