Scan Supporters T-Shirts

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

National Everything Awareness Day

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

Theatre Crowd

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

Men's Health Screenings.

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"I'm not going to try and sugarcoat this..."

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

'You're gonna love it son! We'll leave our homes for a few days and live in the great outdoors'

The Music Lover.

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

"How cute! Our technician photo-bombed your X-ray!"

A swan grabs a hold of a kite string.

Writer's Strike

'I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you.'

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

"If art was meant to be understood by the common man then the common man would have taken a degree in art appreciation."

"I'd like to be tried by a Jury of my Seers."

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

One cappuccino please, and I wanted to give you this. A note. How formal. Dear small local independent coffee house ... I went to Starbucks this morning. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me? What if I agree to purge what I ate? The written apology is sufficient.

'All I'm saying is that maybe he doesn't want to sell girl scout cookies.'

'You're arrogant, pig-headed and have no communication skills -have you thought of a career in intelligence?'

'I get no respect... anywhere.'

'The Secret is to write what you know.'

Small store loses out to glossy big store

"I wish I'd never mentioned that he had a stone in his hoof!"

Boy scout helping a bird with a walking stick cross the road.

"Sorry, but we are not allowed to help anyone across the road due to liabilities."

"Best defense against vicious dogs I know."

"Our final honorary doctorate goes to John P. Lind, who kicked in three million clams for a chem lab."

"How's my life line doing?"