Scam Sniffers Pillows

It's a scam, Ernie. You are not a prisoner in a cyber war, and you don't have to give your name, rank and credit card number.

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'While these products may not result in weight loss, they will result in credibility loss.'

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

Ask Sadie

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

"Didn't anyone ever warn you about opening an e-mail from someone you don't know?"

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

"He had an uncanny ability to pick up the scent of opportunity."

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

Gone Phishing

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

Berlitz guide to Scamese

Amateur Spam.

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'Damn! I think the FCA have rumbled us.'

The stockholders love our annual report! Scratch and sniff our bottom line and it smells like money!

"You'd have thought they'd have all slept with each other by now."

'Investing in a company whose website is Ponzischeme.come would raise red flags for me.'

Get rich quick giving seminars!

'So you say the cash box was stolen.'

'But monsieur I can get it for you so cheap, all the hard work has been done, it just needs the cladding.'

"Mmm, smell this one."

The Ultimate Crime

Maynard inadvertently goes phishing.

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

'This is sounds of the ocean. For a $25 pledge, we'll send you a recording of 'Sounds of the Tsunami'.....'

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

STIMULUS PACKAGE ALLOCATION COMMITTEE, 'Okay, we'll take the part out about the Nigerian banker's widow.'