Sauce Stirrer Pillows

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Sauce for the Goose

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Pasta

Man's cooking explodes.

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'Diet considerations.'

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

'They send you into the ketchup department? HA! I'M going into pizza!'

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

Ugggghhh....eye of newt's off!

Spaghetto

"No, it's a single ingredient - baby carrots."

Cooking Cowboy

How many ways can a coach say 'get the ball and score some points'.

"Is that your resting witch or resting bitch face. . .?"

"Something pickled this way comes!"

Setting fire to the US flag

"Raw sewage is so much easier to source these days."

"We stir the brew all morning, Marissa comes in whenever..."

'That was the most spins I ever saw anyone do!'

'The entire team is lethargic. Tell the athletic trainer to whip up a cure.'

"We stir the brew all morning, Marissa comes in whenever, stirs the brew for an house, takes a smoke break, goes on her phone, we stir the brew, do some chanting, the sun comes up, whatever, we're still stirring, Marissa's on her phone again, and I'm, like, 'Seriously, Marissa?'"

'The steak's okay, the gravy's tough.'

"Are your hands clean?"

"I'm wondering if we are sufficiently addressing potion hygiene."

'You've burnt the ghoulash!'

'Are you trying to tell me that you don't want to go to school?'

Stirrbucks

Let's mull it over!

"That's an excellent St Emilion! Could you please top it up with Pouilly Fume so we get a rose?"

".....Ear of dog, leg of toad, eye of ca...... Bloody hell, here comes Rolf Harris!"

"Makes you wonder, doesn't it?"

"We've stayed together for the sake."