Satirical Television Enthusiast Pillows

TV attacking viewer - 'Television is very interactive these days.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Support the Ex-Troops

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Torturing the English Language

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Pretty Flowers

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

The height of fashion in 1796

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

reincarnated worm...

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The americanisation of vulture.

Meat Grinder

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Critisize your weight.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Our Two Parties, Explained