Satirical Stockholder Pillows

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

GPS Shoes

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

If you're so good at picking winning stocks, why do you still have to work?

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

Masochism for stockholders.

"We've lowered our IPO price so many times, the Street's referring to it as an Initial Pathetic Offer."

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

Financial Bailout Required.