Satirical Soap Opera Lover Gifts

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

Minority Report

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I'd like you to be the co-star in the melodrama that is life."

"Maybe our beloved founder is trying to tell us something."

What do you say we team up to star in a sequel to "The Elephant Man" called "The Wolverine Boy"? !

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

David Niven caricature

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

'Madge! Desperate Housewives is on.'

TV: widescreen 16x9 versus 4x3.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"Well, I can say if it wasn't for tragedy, I would not be here."

We're not picking you up from field hockey. Take the late bus. Ok then. I'll get home at 8:30, miss dinner and have no time to study. I'll fail my classes, never get a job and live the rest of my life with you. Not true! You have a bright future as an extortionist. Or soap opera star!

A Failiure to Communicate

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"This next song is about unbridled corporate greed and its propensity to decimate the planet … I hope you like it."

A guy who learned everything he needed to know in Kindergarten.

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."