Satirical Life Analyst T-Shirts

'I never finished college, but the $60,000 my parents spent on my education should count for something.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

Modern Life Blues

Snowman Driver

"I owe all my success to the psychiatrist who gave me the word GREED as my mantra!"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

'I thought you said, 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'!'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"It's all about teamwork. We even have our own mascot."

A cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind. Or a weak arm.

"Very funny."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

Europe

"A little hard work never killed anyone. But still, why tempt fate?"

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

"Working from home again, Jerry?"

Psychological Warfare Target Practice

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'I called this emergency meeting to discuss the lack of respect I've been getting around here lately.'

STRIP Hambone: Computer smoke signals message from Indian office

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."