Satirical Health Analyst T-Shirts

"Your disease appears to be drug resistant, so let's see how it responds to intensive billing."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Virtual Doctor

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'I don't know about this new computer inventory system. It just ordered a thousand left handed four fingered surgical gloves.'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

'You must take these pills for the rest of your life.' - 'But there're only 25 in here.'

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

Take a pill so you won't be one.

'Your hospital needs more nurses? So hire more nurses!'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"That's a semi-private room for you. You caught his, and he caught yours."