Satirical Grilling Enthusiast Gifts

"It's never done."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

Trappist Monk Discord

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

Barbeque Casualty.

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'As you can see,we run a completely paperless office.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

Finally there is the right product for real men!"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

Clone Factory

Militant Pacifists

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

Party-Crashing Ban

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"Inactivists"