Satirical Finance Buffs Pillows

The transparent safe box of Panama

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

Footing The Bill

Offshore tax havens.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

Bank of Cyprus-sia

If things were going just a little bit better we could have filed for bankruptcy.

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!