Satirical Finance Buffs Gifts

The transparent safe box of Panama

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Footing The Bill

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

Offshore tax havens.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

Bank of Cyprus-sia

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'