Satirical Consumer Pillows

"New super select-a-size! 1/2 sheet, 1/4 sheet, 1/8 sheet (make-up remover), 1/16 sheet (spider killer), 1/32 sheet (booger getter), 1/64 sheets (zit squeezers)."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Pirates at the mall.

They get into debt so fast these days...

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Expensive greeting cards.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

Eye of Newt Helper

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

Pirate Captain Wears Pirate Slogan T-Shirt

Ed's Odd Job Lot.

Financial Christmas

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

Mail-Order Yard Sale

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

'Tell me if this hurts.'

"You want the extended warranty for this disposal razor."

'Sometimes I ask myself, 'What would good King Wenceslaus think about all this?''

Mother Nature's Health Foods

Woman walking past Five Guys.