Satirical Cinema Critic Gifts

'Twas an irritable giant man that killed the beast!'

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

Martin Scorsese Roasts Your Fandom

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"Can you hear me now?"

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"I preferred the graphic novel of the origin story of the original prequel."

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

"Oh, it's just a corny old bee movie."

"You're right, Son. This movie did have a great cast."

Woody Allen

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

"But only during rehearsal."

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

"He thinks that if they really want to smash the stereotype then he should be a shoe-in for the next Bond."

'Eddy - For Heavens sake, stop watching Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-movies!'

Movie Franchise

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

"When did movies start being dumb all year round?"

'Are you okay, Bill?'

'The author must have had film rights in mind when he chose the title.'

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.

"A superhero that doesn't wear his underpants on the outside is no superhero at all!"

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

"I forget-did we decide to see something life-affirming or something mind-numbing?"

"They used the ultimate weapon to drive me away. Taxes."

"That was a feel-good movie. How come I don't feel so good?"

"What do the know!"

'Dirty, lesbian, whore, bitch, gang bangs turned out to be Finding Nemo!'