Satirical Appreciator Gifts

Although Jeremy raised enough money to feed a small African village for a week, he used eough baked beans to feed a large African village for a month.

"It's from the University Of Life.. you didn't get in."

Erwin Swanson, Schizophrenic Doctor: 'Wow, three opinions for the price of one- what a bargain!'

'My mother didn't understand me, my wife doesn't understand. NO woman understands me!'

"We pay the living dead wage."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Gay Times...

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

"They're so like us."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"Steamed vegetables."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Oh Hi!'

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Russia Money Laundering

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

The Greek Trampoline

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Amateurs."

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.