Satire Fans Pillows

"And remember, have your parents ask their doctor if Ambulex is right for them."

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"I'd like to see you do this online."

"It feels like people are always trying to avoid me."

"OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!"

'Can't say. It's private.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Social media family vs regular family

Cleaner in front of interview panel - 'So what makes you want to apply for the job of Equity Fund Manager?'

Common Sense Boat (sign upside-down).

"I've followed this guy on social media for years, so I figure I can't go wrong following him in real life..."

"We don't consider you luggage 'lost', we like to think it's off on an adventure."

Huntin' Easter eggs.

"And this is the juvenile court."

'We spent a lot of money educating him, so if you want junior's opinion you'll have to pay for it.'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

Anti-social Sciences

MA Certificate - Master of Alcohol.

"This was the only way they could open with the mask requirement!"

'I don't have a thing to wear!'

'and you promise not to run off, right?'

Customs at the L.A. Airport

'In return for storing the nuclear waste, we get a big break on the mortgage.'

Impractical Guide to having babies: 'Disposable Nappies'

'And in the next part of the ceremony you will swear allegiance to the Queen.'

"Aren't you concerned about the environmental impact of expanded offshore drilling..?"

'And finally, we give thanks to our ancestors for settling in this perpetually frozen wasteland, and not somewhere pleasant, like Cabo.'

"I'm going to write a figure on this paper. You tell me if it looks like a turtle."

'Off balance? Can't stand out in your field? Victim of cow tipping? Just buy our miracle iRemoo bracelet and balance your whole life!!'

Panhandling Pennybags

Cosmetic surgery bin: 'Bits & Boobs'

'Remember the plan: on the final stretch, you go down.'

'I probably shouldn't sell this guy a gun.'

'Here. Who's going to believe Nero played bongos while Rome burned?'