Satire Fans Pillows

"And remember, have your parents ask their doctor if Ambulex is right for them."

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"I'd like to see you do this online."

"It feels like people are always trying to avoid me."

'Can't say. It's private.'

"OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!"

Cleaner in front of interview panel - 'So what makes you want to apply for the job of Equity Fund Manager?'

Social media family vs regular family

"I've followed this guy on social media for years, so I figure I can't go wrong following him in real life..."

Common Sense Boat (sign upside-down).

"We don't consider you luggage 'lost', we like to think it's off on an adventure."

'We spent a lot of money educating him, so if you want junior's opinion you'll have to pay for it.'

Anti-social Sciences

"And this is the juvenile court."

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

MA Certificate - Master of Alcohol.

Huntin' Easter eggs.

"This was the only way they could open with the mask requirement!"

'and you promise not to run off, right?'

Customs at the L.A. Airport

"I'm going to write a figure on this paper. You tell me if it looks like a turtle."

"Aren't you concerned about the environmental impact of expanded offshore drilling..?"

'And finally, we give thanks to our ancestors for settling in this perpetually frozen wasteland, and not somewhere pleasant, like Cabo.'

Impractical Guide to having babies: 'Disposable Nappies'

'And in the next part of the ceremony you will swear allegiance to the Queen.'

'In return for storing the nuclear waste, we get a big break on the mortgage.'

'Careful there, Mort, that's bleach. You don't want to get any of that on your clothes.'

'Most people just put their elderly parents into a care home!'

'Remember the plan: on the final stretch, you go down.'

"What can I DO? I'm Lightning Larry, for God's Sake!"

Cosmetic surgery bin: 'Bits & Boobs'

'I probably shouldn't sell this guy a gun.'

'Here. Who's going to believe Nero played bongos while Rome burned?'

'I stole it from the library.'