Satire Appreciateur Gifts

Bringing the Paper

Death Wish.

"Well he may be dead but on a positive note he would've been with 18% more dead before our restructuring!"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"Who's got the hammer?"

UK border controls relaxed.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Gay Times...

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

How about going easy on the carbs

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Oh Hi!'

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

"Steamed vegetables."

"They're so like us."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

Czarcasm

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"Amateurs."

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.