Satan's Sous Chef Pillows

"It's fondue night!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

Halloween may be a little different this year.

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"More helium."

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'The casserole didn't make it.'

Stand back - while I whip something up

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

Cooking the books

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Intolerant Chef

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

"You're a lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch. You'll do well down here."

'Hell's Kitchen/God's Pantry'

'Too much spice?'

'Getting above yourself for a short order cook, aren't you?'

Commie Chef.

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'