Sat Superstar Pillows

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Everybody gets a raise."

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

Bigger Brain

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"We started learning about units of measurement in math class, but I don't really understand it, so I've got an acre of homework to do."

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

Cleaning the Horse

Waiting for the results.

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

The family tradition lives on: I won the Long Jump and the Triple Jump events...

Sit ups.

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

'I think our fans are excited for us. It just doesn't seem like it because of doing 'The Wave' they do 'The Still Water'.'

"I got all my homework last night. Mom hid the remote."

'Sometimes I wish I was all thumbs, then I could text faster.'

An Olympian's Moment

'I blame the 'X' Factor.'

"Carmen, how are you today? Wait! Don't tell me! You're as wonderful and as beautiful and charming as ever!"

'That's still blurry This might be a good time to show you your bill.'

"You've broken half me solar panels, ya t***a!"