Sassy Storyteller T-Shirts

"In other words homogenius."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

How I met your mother

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Whatever!

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

'This chicken has no taste or character.' 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

Hog Futures

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Centaur falls in love.

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

The canteen food's pretty awful...

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

Furniture from hell.