Sassy Diners Pillows

"I'm sorry, have you been grimacing long?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Sushi Train Spotters

Whatever!

'Tasty.'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

Stand back - while I whip something up

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"I'll have the chef."

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"I'd recommend this."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'Can I get you anything else, sir?'

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meal."

'I'll have the duck ? l'orange, without the duck, of course.'

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

Frank 'n' Steins...beer & bratwurst (chef Frankenstein).

I told you not to order the house dressing. Hurg.

I've always wondered why waiters in fancy restaurants wear a napkin over their arm. Because when you see the check, you'll want something to cry into.

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that much of a surprise.'