Sardonically Inclined Pillows

"My motto was 'Go with the Flow," but I had no idea it ended up here."

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

Special Place in Hell...

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

Hearse on an emergency

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"Occasionally he allows staff to voice their grievances..."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"Look Marj, decalf."

"Hey, Robinson Crusoe! Taking the laundry to mommy? Wow, you sure know how to 'rough it'! Haha!!" "Just ignore them." "Can you bring us back some of her blueberry pie? Ha!"

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

"Forget the meaning of life, go get me a chirpractor."

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

'Damocles, did I sit in the wrong chair?'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Someone with peanuts."

"Maureen, Phelps is down. Would you like to come In and kick him?"

'There have been rumors they were cutting out a layer of management.'

I'm sure if I moved to a fresh water environment, my hypertension would abate.

'Remember, Higgins, for you my door is always open.'

Our Lady of Perpetual Kvetching

"When is this sexual fantasy going to get interesting, Brad?"

Welcome to hell. A lose-lose situation.