Sardonic Traveler Pillows

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

Special Place in Hell...

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'Don't be so velodramatic!'

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

'It couldn't be much fresher ,sir - didn't you see it wink at you ?'

"Forget the meaning of life, go get me a chirpractor."

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

'Damocles, did I sit in the wrong chair?'

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

"Oh sod it I'll walk."

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

"Maureen, Phelps is down. Would you like to come In and kick him?"

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"

I'm sure if I moved to a fresh water environment, my hypertension would abate.

'Remember, Higgins, for you my door is always open.'

How to loose weight

"When is this sexual fantasy going to get interesting, Brad?"

On second thoughts, make that instant coffee.

Next hero

"I was almost like Robin Hood. I took from the rich, but then I kept it."

'You can pet me, but don't expect me to purr.'

'I don't know why she jumped. She was always so full of life.'