Sardonic Sweetheart Mugs

"He's So Your Type."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

Targets

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Man falls off perch

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

Special Place in Hell...

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

Hearse on an emergency

"You never see a fish down here. I wonder if they know something we don't know."

'Ok...I was wrong. Things can get worse.'

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"

"Look Marj, decalf."

'When I was hired, the boss asked if I could handle a job with lots of accountability, and like an idiot, I said 'Yes!''

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'