Sardonic Partner Mugs

"And I said, 'I'm tired of you asking me what I'm thinking' and heeeeeer we are."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"He's So Your Type."

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Man falls off perch

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

'Don't be so velodramatic!'

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

"Look Marj, decalf."

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

"Forget the meaning of life, go get me a chirpractor."

'Damocles, did I sit in the wrong chair?'

"Maureen, Phelps is down. Would you like to come In and kick him?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Someone with peanuts."

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

Monkeypox and War

'Oh, we're just watching a soap opera, I mean waiting for a call.'

'Remember, Higgins, for you my door is always open.'

"Forget prostrate trouble...I may not make it through my wife's menopause!"

'Humans are strange: they call us dirty, disgusting rats, but regard mouldy cheeses as delicacies...'

Woman shooting at husband: "I missed you."

"Freakin' Ides of March 2022!"

'I just invented the wheel and traffic congestion.'