Sardonic Sprinter Mugs

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Cut and Run

Targets

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

Special Place in Hell...

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"You don't get a raise because it's a job killer!"

'Don't be so velodramatic!'

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

Please Wait to be Heated. (Two new arrivals enter Hell.)

"Look Marj, decalf."

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

'Science shows cats love you!'

"It's not garden decking. The wind blew the fence down last night."

Man Gives Death the Finger.

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Someone with peanuts."

Self-serve island

"Oh sod it I'll walk."

The Devil's Advocat

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"