Sardonic Smiler Pillows

Defeatists Anonymous will meet here tonight at...oh, what's the use? It's not like we're going to solve our problems or anything.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"He's So Your Type."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

Targets

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

Man falls off perch

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

T.S. Eliot calendar.

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Special Place in Hell...

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

Good news - we've found your car.

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

"When the boss said he could replace me with a trained monkey, I replied, prove it! Me and my big mouth."

'You may experience some discomfort.'

Your honor, my client is a very proud man. He's much too proud to confess to murder, and he's much too proud to beg for mercy. However, he's willing to offer the court a non-denial and a rude hand gesture. Where can we go with this?

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"The smile is courtesy of Photoshop."

"Just look at that. The face that lunched on a thousand chips."

Please Wait to be Heated. (Two new arrivals enter Hell.)

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"