Sarcastic Scientist Pillows

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

The First Fire Stick

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

The transparent safe box of Panama

Strainspotting

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"White Collar Prison"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

I think that computer might be giving out a little too much heat... Energy efficient IT systems.

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"The end of my patience is near!"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

The End is Near...You Wish.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

STRIP Hambone: Wind up computer

Big Brother.

"Med school was a blast."

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!