Sarcasm Adventurer Gifts

"Just let me know if you want me to make a valiant attempt at holding the doors."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

German Expressionist Breakfast

"Let's consider an early dive."

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'The Burrito King.'

Czarcasm

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"