Sap Collectors T-Shirts

"Kids these days and their piercings..."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

"Time for bed, guys."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Chicken Road Crossing

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

Acme Corp - In business since 1927 BG. 'The 'BG' stands for 'Before Greenspan'.'

"I wonder what this was for."

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

'How old is this vase?'

Cuckoo bird in office.

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

Antiques dealer and customer

Tree sap drips makes man need the toilet.