Santamaniacs Pillows

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

"We're history, Rudolph....I tell ya, we're history."

Santa Elevator

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

Santa Claws...

"It had an interesting emotional arc and some nice plot twists, but the heroine and subsidiary characters were unconvincing within the historical context."

Nikolai Alekseevich Klyuev

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"I'll recommend your book if you recommend mine."

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

I brake for Jetliners.

Santa vs traffic warden...

Almost got away with it, until he tried to bury the body and dug a little too deep.

'You can see concrete things, but not abstract things.'

Don't fly and text.

'Really? A Bride of Satan? Golly, Lucille, why did you wait until our fourth date to tell me you were already married?'

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

'See! I told you the roof needed repairing.'

Sanitizer

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

Sacrifices at 4:00PM and 6:00PM

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

Man in Hell, 'Well, I gotta tell ya, layers is NOT the answer.'

"Watch out. He's got the Naughty or Nice app."

'Sorry we don't do 'Pay-as-you-ho' contracts'