Santa Seekers Pillows

"Waiting here for Santa Claus is getting us nowhere. I say we forget about the tree, go outside and just have fun."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

"You're on mute."

Promised Land Signpost

"I predict six more weeks of winter...But I'm sure we'll tough it out."

"I told you it was a universal truth."

'When they said a cruise with a 'balcony view' I didn't think they meant a view of the balcony.'

The idea of a wo-man cave was looking better and better.

"I spy something blue."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Heaven's Ingredients: 100% Natural Love, 100% compassion and 100% forgiveness.

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

"Hey Ed, take a look at this...more sleigh bells...what is this thing?"

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

"Eve, do you realize that neither you nor I ever had a childhood?"

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'