Santa's Little Critic Pillows

"And don't be slipping in any underwear like you did last year!"

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

Punk Reindeer

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

Santa's Helpers

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

A centipede's Christmas stockings

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Claus and the Snowman Cross Paths

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

Santa Elevator

Child on Christmas Eve

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

About Santa 2017.

'...and it absolutely must be assembled!'

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

I brake for Jetliners.

'If you ever need any help with your bookkeeping, I got an A in arithmetic!'

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

Naughty-ometer.

"It's just temporary, Comet, until Rudolph feels better."

Slay Ride.

Really? Santa won't stop at your house if you're not asleep on Christmas eve? That sounds like a sort of entrapment to me!