Santa's Little Critic Pillows

"And don't be slipping in any underwear like you did last year!"

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

Punk Reindeer

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Santa's Helpers

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

Santa Claus and the Snowman Cross Paths

Santa Elevator

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

Child on Christmas Eve

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

'If you ever need any help with your bookkeeping, I got an A in arithmetic!'

'...and it absolutely must be assembled!'

About Santa 2017.

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

I brake for Jetliners.

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

Slay Ride.

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

"It's just temporary, Comet, until Rudolph feels better."