Sanitary Savant T-Shirts

Life's choices (Tampons and Chocolate).

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

The new normal

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Noise Pollution

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

"I sense a lot more going on with you than 'house-husband."

'Who cares what she thinks? Grow a pair and buy the damn thing.'

The Tragedy of Prosperity

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'I know we're all terrified of malpractice suits, Bob, but as plastic surgeons, I think we can do a little more than just 'style his hair and call it a day.''hair

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

Surgery / Canteen - The perplexities of priorites.

'You can see concrete things, but not abstract things.'

"And you know, realistically, it's much safer than driving."

COVID-19 safty tips

"I think the Church is taking this flu thing a little too seriously."

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

'Happy birthday, dear -- it's a carbon offset!'

The social distancing pepper mill.

Fireman chasing the olympic flame.

"The groomer used too much product."

'Do you just add more layers as you get older, Mom?'