Sandwich Strategist Gifts

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

Chez Nous Menu

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Little league world series of poker.

To do before Saturday...

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'Hard to follow...'

Jeff's Smorgasbord

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'This is a business lunch, Lowden. So, don't even think about enjoying yourself.'

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

Making healthy eating bearable.

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

'Can we move the beef jerky a smidge and display our organic cleanser?'

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

"Not sure if I'm hungry or bored."

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

"Guac-A-Mole"

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'